Moving [23 Mar 2005|03:29pm] [ mood | crazy ] Have started on blogger again *gasp treason* Anyway...so here's the new link: www.misguidedkitty.blogspot.com post comment

Easter Sign: Rooster, Western Sign: Gemini [20 Jan 2005|11:09am] [ mood | contemplative ] http://www.tigerbeer.us/horoscope/ Yours is the sign of the twins, a duality that's beautifully demonstrated in the creation of this monument-but other astrological factors point to a knack for balance. Your gift is easy comfort with a variety of individuals. Your challenge is to finish learning one subject before you move on to another. As you entered the world, three planets in your sign reinforced all those qualities Gemini is famous for: creativity, flexibility, and mental agility. Three planets were also in Libra, known for its aptitude in establishing balance and harmony. Combining these two cerebral air signs means you're likely to be unparalleled in your inventiveness and imagination. As such, you would make a natural designer or graphic artist. The air signs are also expert communicators as well, however, so you could also have been attracted to a career in counseling or teaching. Regardless of the vocation you eventually settle upon, however, you'll undoubtedly be appreciated among your co-workers for your fleetness of mind and your wonderful wit. If you were born on or after June 9, you may have been shy in your early years. If that's the case, you probably spent a good amount of time reading, which would mean that in later life, your knowledge in many areas would be substantial. In fact, you may be one of those people that others flat out refuse to play word-games with because there's virtually no chance of competing with you, much less winning! Your search for a partner would likely lead you to fast thinkers, such as Sagittarians, Aquarians, and others of your own sign. Charming, cooperative Librans, however, would also make a good choice. post comment

几米《地下铁》舞台剧 [17 Jan 2005|01:15pm] [ mood | geeky ] 你愿意用梦想和记忆换取明天最大的奇迹吗？ ... 生命它是个月台，你来的目的就是离开 post comment

Beats Christmas anyday [30 Dec 2004|03:03pm] [ mood | touched ] Was mentioning casually to a friend that I was going Phuket weeks ago for the New Year. I forgot all about it since it didn't go through and didn't talk about it with her because we haven't met up much. But this morning I got a strange SMS from her to call her back. Drowsily, I switched off my phone and went back to bed. A half hour later I get a call and it was her. She asked if I was in Phuket and it finally dawned on me why her sms sounded so urgent. Although still very drowsy I reassured her I was not and went back to bed (yes, lazy I know). Now that I'm fully awake, it's clearer to me that this is what makes a relationship all worth it. All the little acts of thoughtfulness, listening to one another (even though we may not always agree). So Clara, if you're reading this (which I know you will eventually), thanks...your call was the best present ever. post comment

[26 Dec 2004|05:26pm] [ mood | busy ] Finally replaced the lost pendant my sis bought for me...i really heaved a sigh of relief. Bad news is...part of my 13th month is gone. Having said that, I decided it's high time i start budgeting for the coming year. Granted, abit late after working 6 months, but better late than never right? So have started keeping a diary on all my expenditures. I'm looking at a few big ticket items next year though: 1) Trip to phuket with colleagues in March - $400 2) Rollerblades - $250 3) Visit to the dermatologist - $200 hehe...there's also the ERS and CNY to look forward too!!! WAHAHAHAHA.... ... My memory has also been extremely short-term nowadays. Things seem to happen when i'm in a dream-like state. I can't remember if someone has handed me something or where i placed my handphone or keys. ... Why is it when a dying person speaks about living everyone sits up. Why can't we just talk about living when we're still healthy? post comment

Having uncertainty for a roommate [22 Dec 2004|03:56pm] [ mood | refreshed ] Sneaking in a quick post. Yesterday I was going have a long drawn complaint about feeling lonely from the colleagues in my office (my perception anyway) and then I read something from the aikido website (what's new!). Sometimes I just worry so much about fitting into the working environment (which I never really found a need for in other social groups anyway), it gives an additional pressure that I find hard to bear. But sometimes we just have to go with the flow and realise that all things come in their due time. Uncertainty is not a foe, just a tenant in your soul co-exists with opportunities. post comment

Academic Objectives [20 Dec 2004|10:46am] [ mood | working ] Increasingly modernity is associated with pride, tangibles, self-importance and self-centeredness. In other words, our egos or self are constantly under pressure to conform into what the modern society definition of good and bad which in itself is non-definitive. To me, aikido provides a way for us to live in harmony or “aiki” with such a society by seeking the solution in ourselves. ‘Do’, the last word in aikido is also “practice as applied to one’s way of life”. There is an opportunity to learn from every experience, every lesson, every person that we meet Before aikido was introduced to the university as an extra-curricular activity, I had no preconception of what it was, only that it was a martial art that was gentle. I started to read up more as my friend and I decided to take up the school’s offer to set up an aikido club. Having no expectation or preconception of aikido, I was fortunate to be able to start with an open mind, almost like a ‘beginner’s mind’. Lessons were never boring, always a joy because everyday there was something new to learn. Being naturally curious with a slight perfectionist streak, it was amazing to discover the intricacies of each technique. Learning aikido was also not always smooth sailing. I often got discouraged and questioned my ability when I could not execute a technique properly. Humility was also a bitter pill to swallow, mainly because it hurt my ego to be told what to do and corrected constantly. However, my aikido instructor introduced an aikido website where there were daily messages from an aikido sensei. To him, we should practice aikido simply to enjoy it. I recall those simple words whenever I feel discouraged over practice. The aikido sensei who wrote those daily messages was also a Reverend, ordained as a Zen priest with degrees in Eastern Religions and Asian Studies. What was significant about his daily messages was his ability to integrate his training in aikido, knowledge in Zen, eastern religion and Asia to live his life as his real self. Not a life that was compromised to suit whatever the situation demanded him to, but a truthful life. He has the ability to penetrate through the frills that modern society dispenses so freely and view things for what it truly is. The sensei’s words not only formed part of my training, but also introduced Japanese culture in more depth to me. Topics ranged from sword appreciation, lives of the samurais, zen philosophies, tea ceremonies to Japanese calligraphy. Gradually it dawned on me that his knowledge and learning gained from Japanese culture and arts lent depth to not only his aikido but also in his life. It was also a revelation in my own life that lessons that I learnt in aikido had an impact in the way I live my life now. Humility, self-awareness and withholding judgment all honed by the lessons learnt from practicing as well as reading more about the reasons and spirit behind the art. In my opinion, Japanese arts and culture have basic values that correct the mind, displace the ego and preserve the purity of the art in the process. This interlaces between all the different Japanese cultures and art is the magic that captures my imagination. Other than being passionate about aikido, I was fortunate to have a glimpse into Japanese family life when I was in secondary school. In Crescent, we had the pleasure of hosting some students from Kyushu Islands and conversely later were hosted by Japanese families when we went over to Kyushu. Their warmth and giving nature touched me deeply, till this day all the experiences are deeply etched in my mind. One such amazing experience was the day when we were invited to a tea ceremony. After my host family dressed me in a yukata, I was fascinated by the intricacies of the whole tea ceremony - from picking up the ladle to serving the tea. As a guest, I was also ‘integrated’ into the tea ceremony because I was told to turn the tea cup clockwise three times before drinking the tea. All this did not make sense to me at that time, though I was very curious. Until now, after I have read up more about tea ceremonies did I understand that the complicated steps were a form of respect and dedication in trying to make the ‘best’ tea for the guest. Turning the teacup was actually to admire the artwork and expertise in make a good teacup because the best teacups in the household were served to guests. The relationships that I had formed during the short time I spent there has never failed to bring a smile to my face. One of my objectives of applying for this scholarship is to be able to relive those experiences, but now I will be able to appreciate the culture better. In addition, with my passion for aikido, it would now be unthinkable not to learn the other aspects that would enhance my understanding for the art. Lastly, I would be extremely fortunate if this experience to learn at Waseda University would allow me to find a fraction of my ‘true’ self. post comment

[19 Dec 2004|08:59pm] [ mood | hopeful ] I think my hamster just grew a growth on its chin. It doesn't look like a tumour (at least i feel a tumour should be roundish looking). SO i tried popping it like a pimple. Not very smart. My hamster squueeking made me scream along with it, much to the amusement of the ABC Beng. Finally managed to get my essay out Friday morning at 4am, like squeezing blood from stone. So afternoon, I gave myself a 2 hour lunch and went to hand in my application. Was totally running around like a headless scarecrow trying to get my bearings to get to MAS building. That place is like a fortress! To get to the lifts i had to get a pass and walk through mrt-like gates. Luckily I met the lady responsible for collecting the scholarship and inquired how many people applied for the scholarship so far (friday was the deadline, so the figure she gives me would be a good estimate). I was the 25th applicant, 5-6 will be selected for the interview in end-jan or early-feb. Eventually only ONE person will be selected for the scholarship. But I hopefully asked her again if maybe *2* people may be given the scholarship, but i got a firm no. *sigh* I really want this... post comment

ARRRRGGHHH [16 Dec 2004|11:41am] [ mood | rushed ] One freaking day left to the application of the scholarship and I'm not done yet!!!! I don't know why this is so hard! It shouldn't be at all!!!! HEEEELLLPP~~~~~ post comment

Lost [12 Dec 2004|04:24am] [ mood | depressed ] Seldom do I wear jewellery, only those given by family and loved ones. The true value of jewellery is emphasized by the love and thoughts that went into choosing the gift. I wore the pendant my sister gifted to me for this year's Christmas today. It was the first time I was wearing any piece of jewellery for a while. I must have lost it during clubbing as I was tugging at a string on my shirt. The white gold chain must have broke. The white gold chain stayed on my neck all the way till I came home. This chain was given by someone, who doesn't speak to me anymore. To lose the thing that means so much and to see a reflection of a broken friendship in a broken chain. *sigh* post comment

[09 Dec 2004|11:00pm] [ mood | groggy ] Am beat from aikido, but had to post this SnowBall tossed out (Today online) THE Police have rejected an application by Jungle Media to hold a party called SnowBall.04 which was to be held at the former Warehouse Disco at River Valley Road on Christmas Day. In explaining its decision, the Police said the organisers — who also staged the Nation.04 event — had given assurances that these would not be "gay parties". But the police noted that promotion materials were advertised on a known gay portal. The Police said at the Nation.04 opening ball at Suntec earlier this year, patrons of the same sex were seen behaving intimately. Several complaints were also received about the openly gay acts there. Police reiterated that while they do not discriminate against gays, they recognise that Singapore is still largely a conservative and traditional society. — Channel NewsAsia ... Streats had additional paragraphs but i couldn't find the online version. Here's the additional paragraph: "There were also cross-dressers such as men wearing skirts, in the crowd, and patrons were seen using the toilets of the opposite sex. This suggested that most of the patrons were probably gays or lesbians and that the event was thus almost exclusively for gays and lesbians, said the statement (from the police lah)" ... Riiiigggghhhhht...there are parties with cross-dress themes as well. I visit male loo if i cannot tahan anymore and the ladies are crowded. *gasp* that makes me lesbian? What's intimate by the way? Hugging and grabbing butt? My friend in sec school used to wet her hands in the toilet and grab my butt to make hand prints. Actually 'conservative' and 'traditional' also can suggest gambling no good hor? Policeman...how ar? post comment

[08 Dec 2004|09:52am] [ mood | high ] Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Keyueosis Cause: just one of those things Symptoms: extreme nice dreams, rapid heart beat, mild hives, dry eyes Cure: attempt to repeat cause Enter your name, for your own diagnosis: Probably because they couldn't decipher my name :P post comment

Things are always 'bigger' in our heads [03 Dec 2004|10:26am] [ mood | refreshed ] Actually posted up my thoughts onto this aikido forum and this was the reply from the sensei. From: "furuyasensei" <aclafuruya@e...> Date: Fri Dec 3, 2004 2:28 am Subject: In Practice, Don't Hide Anything Thank you, I think that was a very nice message you posted, I was just about to write about this same subject when you wrote so it is a nice, opportune coincidence for me. I think that it is good to open up your feelings about your concerns and questions in practice. Please don't feel ashamed at your thoughts in practice. Perhaps you think that you are the only one who feels in such a way and feel some shame but I have heard this same impression from many, many other students and see it happening very often on the mats during class. Many students, at one time or another, have or had the same feelings you had in practice so don't point to yourself too severely or try to beat yourself up. In expressing your feelings honestly, as is usually the case, you have already answered your own question. Yes, you are quite right not to judge or catagorize the actions of others too quickly. I have a friend who is always getting so upset and yelling in the car to himself when he is driving. If a person is making a right or left turn too slowly, or if someone changes lanes in front of him, he explodes thiinking that the other driver is purposely trying to block him or drive slowly to prevent him from driving on his own way. . . . It is further from the case, of course, they do now know him and are only driving in their own way trying to get to their own destination and not thinking at all to block another driver and play these games with him. It is only his own personal perception that, when on the road, everyone is out to intentionally block him. Many times, this same thing happens on the mat. We may think someone is doing somthing purposefully against us but we find out later that this was far from the case at all. The other day, I was listening to an interview of some celebrity on the radio and he was complaining about some problems at the hotel where he was staying. He had complimented one girl on her looks, and all of the other ladies present took offense and started some commotion in the lobby blaming him for being unfair. Of course, he was explaining that he had no intention to belittle or insult all the women in the room, he just happened to compliment one woman on her dress or something. This happened to me in the dojo many years ago. As one of my students came into the dojo, I just happened to notice that she had changed her hairdo. I simply said to her, "Oh, your hair looks nice." It was only a part of my greetings and really not an important matter - just conversation. Unfortunately, there was another female student who was behind her and the very next day she quit the dojo and was complaining to her friends. The fact that I complimented one on her hair, she assumed that it meant that I was saying that the hairdo of others was not good at all. . . . This is far from the case at all and I was shocked to hear such a thing. This celebrity commented, "I will never compliment any lady again." I feel the same way sometimes! It may be a part of our human nature to judge too quickly, we like to stick names on everything and put everything into their "proper catagories." Many times, we are wrong or misjudge others. Just as you might have misjudged this other person, it is nothing too uncommon or rare. It is a common and natural thing to do, but sometimes, not wise. The other day, I was talking about teaching students. What is very important, especially for my new instructors, is to not judge a mistake too quickly. A teacher must cultivate a skill to simply observe the student's practice without any judgement or comment at all - this is the first very important step. After observing, the correction instruction will naturally come out. Sometimes, it was just a fluke of the student and if you watch carefully, you see that he doesn't do it as a habit at all and there is nothing to correct. Sometimes, we may watch a student and see that his balance is off, but if we observe carefully, we might realize that we shouldn't "correct" his balance but adjust his footwork - which is off - and which effects his balance. Many times, in teaching, the most immediate and seemiingly "obvious" mistake is not the mistake at all - sometimes there is something else which causes the obvious mistake and that needs to be corrected. To instruct properly and effectively, I believe, we must go to the root of the problem and not simply address the superifical symptoms. Sometimes, when I correct a student, he looks at me puzzled because I am correcting something which doesn't seem to be wrong at all - but, through experience, I know that this is what is really causing the problem. Sometimes, students judge me too quickly! If you observe someone and the same behavior seems to repeat itself over and over again, perhaps, you may conclude something. Generally, it is better not to judge at all, but observe everything very dispassionately and without trying to make any evaluation or judegement at all. Through unbiased observation, the solution will emerge somewhere on its own. This is how I teach my students. The topic I wanted to discuss when you emailed was "not to hide anything in practice." By being open and honest about one's self, and bringing out our concerns into the open, it is very easy to deal with and many times, we find that in reality the problem is not as big as how we make it out to be in our heads. When a patient sees a doctor, it is easy to cure the obvious disease but it is the disease is hiding somewhere unseen, this is the hardest to cure of all, I think. Sometimes we hide too much in practice because of pride and embarrassment. This is the incorrect attitude. In practice, bring it out into the open, deal with it and then move on. Hide it or ignore it and it nevers gets dealt with and sometimes it will stay with you forever. This is true not only in Aikido practice but in everything in Life, some things are usually much bigger inside our heads, but when we bring it out into the open, we find that it is almost nothing at all. One time, my friend got a small pimple on his nose and for some reason he thought it was so big that he refused to step out or see anyone out of embarrassment. Yet, when we all looked at it, it was so small and insignificant, we all laughed at him. . . . As usual, it was only "big" in his mind. In practice, don't hide anything, even your feelings. Bring it out into the open, and let it fly away on its own. If students can be more open and free in expressing themselves and honest about their true feelings, so much faster they can learn Aikido! People often write to me with their "big secrets" and "confidentialities" thinking that it is such a big shame or secret or it cannot be shared with others. But, more often than not, when I read these letters, it is not bad at all. Maybe I have heard too much in my lifetime, but most things don't really shock me when it comes to Aikido practice. Although a student may feel bad, I often see that it is exaggerated important and not so bad in reality. It is "good" to feel bad when you do something wrong. It means that you have high expectations of yourself and you have high self-esteem that doesn't permit you to do bad things intentionally. However, although you should feel a little badly or some shame, it doesn't mean that it is "important," - it is only a part of the natural hazards and "charm" of living life from one day to the next. Sometimes, when a student makes a bad mistake - I will yell and scream at them. I am not really mad at all ( I have seen it all before), I just do that so they won't forget the next time! lol! Yes, yes, in all things, don't judge too quickly - even your teacher! post comment

clicking the refresh button [03 Dec 2004|12:29am] [ mood | pensive ] Here I am at this ungodly hour clicking the refresh button every few minutes till probably 1 am. Desperately hoping and praying that the boss gets my file. Don't want to imagine what her expression tomorrow will be if she doesn't receive it *shudder* ... I had always liked to think of myself as a person capable of humility and withholding judgment. But after aikido session yesterday, i'm not so sure that i was really practicising the 'do' in aikido. There's this guy Richard (name changed to protect the innocent), that I've seen around when i used to do multi-dojo. He's perhaps not the 'softest' person in terms of ukemi and perhaps perceived by me as not naturally talented. So when i saw him in training yesterday and paired up with him, on a subconscious level, i was resisting him. I really can't remember specifically how I was resisting him, but I can remember feeling like that (make sense?). Gradually, however, my attitude changed. Richard was very sincere in training, it's not through words, but i guess one could say his spirit spoke to me. It did make me feel ashamed my initial misgivings, judgments and overall attitude towards him. I believe at that time i brought my self onto the mat. It's not the easiest thing to admit, especially to myself. The line blurs between reading, knowing about what is appropriate behaviour on and off mat and integrating the spirit of aikido into all our actions, life. Today I mentioned this to a friend (not a aikidoka) and she said everyone, not just aikidokas should have the awareness to withhold judgment and humility. I agreed. However, after learning aikido, it makes me far more ashamed not to have been aware of this failing. post comment

Lyrics to my current favourite song [30 Nov 2004|09:51am] [ mood | cheerful ] 只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天 睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的 我想你已表现的非常明白 我懂我也知道你没有舍不得 你说你也会难过我不相信 牵着你陪着我也只是曾经 希望他是真的比我还要爱你 我才会逼自己离开 你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开 为什么还要我用微笑来带过 我没有这种天份包容你也接受他 不用担心的太多我会一直好好过 你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开 为什么我连分开都迁就着你 我真的没有天份安静的没这么快 我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你 Jay Chou's 安静 was just a sample of the soppy love songs we were singing throughout saturday. My friend and I were bawling over this song. I'm a beeeeeg fan of chinese soppy love songs, they always make me daydream and fantasize. But of course this kind of love only exist in well..my daydreams and of course movies la.... post comment

Dreams & memories are all I have [28 Nov 2004|10:50pm] [ mood | loved ] I dreamt of him last night. We were on a holiday together. How I wish that was so...My second love. Guess the memories were so sweet because of the short-lived passion, but loving it was. post comment

Rainy days [26 Nov 2004|09:35am] [ mood | mellow ] Beyond the horizon of where I'm standing on the mrt train the whole world seems to be covered by a white gauze. Feels like winter, albeit a really wet one. Am reading Natsume Soseki's Kokoro and terribly impressed by his ability to capture so much detail about his surroundings without squandering his words. I want to be able to notice simple things like that, feel simple and not be so self-centred all the time. Almost as if I'm rushing to get to a destination rather than float through it like the journey I've always professed it should be. post comment

Towels, internet translators and names [25 Nov 2004|09:53am] [ mood | curious ] Just finished reading the comic version of Hitchikers Guide to the Universe. So which cam first? Yahoo! Babel translator or the book? Trillian messenger program name from the female character?!!! These internet programmers are so alternative! Mindboggling. post comment

Singapore Idol Fever [20 Nov 2004|05:21pm] [ mood | surprised ] I know Singapore Idol has perpetuated and captured the imagination of Singaporeans when my staunch oldie dad (who is still kindof hip to me thanks to him buying all the korean dramas for me) gushes about Olinda Cho for the past few days. He even went to the extent of recording last Thursday's Spectaculars!!! 0_0 Unbelievable. post comment

New pet [20 Nov 2004|05:12pm] [ mood | artistic ] In addition to the 2 hamsters, now I have an online pet that won't stink, bite or eat incessantly. Thanks to eelin. I've always wanted a duck with a yellow beak and white feathers, but a aqua coloured one is infinitely cooler. (And no, i wouldn't dye my real life pets into weird colours). As for her name, you just have to read backwards to discover my inspiration *grin* post comment

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